Starting point - no mistakes in the mistaken:
A confessional – I do not truly know my raising – a religion I was born into, catapulted into – and quite honestly – forcibly put. A Catholic-Religious upbringing. Enforced Baptismal, Enforced Communion, Enforced Confirmation.
No voice to my own Transfiguration. No guidance to the understanding of a savior I ‘should’ know with my Heart.
This Lenten Season - I have been indicted - and am doing so - relieving myself of my neurotic knowledge- dropping the books, dropping the movies/media, dropping the articles…
Let’s be honest… this love of knowing, seeking, having to know the right thing… has become a neurosis… it’s time to take a step away…
with one caveat - only to consume the knowledge/vision of another - if it is gifted to me… the world aligned by the manifest… A true gift of Reciprocal, Universal Love.
I am learning to ask more questions… it is a skill to be inquisitive – as long as you ask the right question; it can be healing (as in Percival and the Fisher King – “What ails you?”).
How will this be guided by stepping into “Not-Thinking”?
How is this my living mistake?
How will I become un-mistaken?
I am coming into this desert pilgrimage with two critical mindsets…
· What I do is not good enough… there is a wall of – being on par – with what I create…
· The beauty of my living is destructive… I cannot hold fast the edge of my love…
And, looking forward, I can feel the uncertainty and tribulation of my coming desert seasonal… perhaps that’s how you know you are taking on the right task-work… knowing that there may be failure, surrounded by temptations, and the awareness that “You don’t know how to get through this”.
If your action raises fear - innate - then it is truly for your awakening…
I am to boil as one within my Stewing Soul-Cauldron - encroaching a nourishment for my living formation -
I am to be the active consummation of my own self - living the deep stewarding of all-I-am - within my own - Here&Now.
I can only envision the creativity that will form… the words that I may become… and what worlds may present themselves to me… and even the rest I can allow my mind and body, finding union… a Transfiguration of Soul, finally catching up with the life it wants to create…
I am afraid of the nothingness wisdom…
The fear I will miss a vitality of my unknown knowledge…
That if I soar to high, I will burn again…
and if I dig too low, I cannot be found…
“But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good. Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood” - Nina Simone